Kill Me, Deadly eScriptAvailable

Kill Me, Deadly by Bill Robens

(26)
Productions (114)
Noir Comedy
|
105 - 120 minutes
5 W, 7 M,  (9-26 actors possible: 4-9 W, 5-17 M)
Content Notes: Mild adult content
Set: Flexible.

Charlie Nickels has a hard life as a gumshoe in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles, and things are only made harder by the murder of a client and the theft of her 300 karat diamond. With the help of his wise-cracking secretary, Ida, Charlie seeks out the many suspects: smarmy bookworm Clive, equestrian beauty Veronica, snooty butler Wilson, sensitive muscle Louie, and mob boss Bugsy Siegel. At the center of the case is femme fatale Mona, a nightclub singer who captures Charlie's affections...and suspicions. Packed with romance, intrigue, and murder, this detective noir is a smart parody that will keep you guessing until the end.

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Pricing Information

Min. Performance Fee* $85
Standard Edition $13.99
eScript Digital Edition $17.5
Stage Manager Edition $24.99
Archival Video License $150

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Media Gallery

Play Details

Charlie Nickels has a hard life as a gumshoe in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles, and things are only made harder by the murder of a client and the theft of her 300 karat diamond. With the help of his wise-cracking secretary, Ida, Charlie seeks out the many suspects: smarmy bookworm Clive, equestrian beauty Veronica, snooty butler Wilson, sensitive muscle Louie, and mob boss Bugsy Siegel. At the center of the case is femme fatale Mona, a nightclub singer who captures Charlie's affections...and suspicions. Packed with romance, intrigue, and murder, this detective noir is a smart parody that will keep you guessing until the end.

  • Noir Comedy
  • |
  • 105 - 120 minutes
  • 5 W, 7 M,  (9-26 actors possible: 4-9 W, 5-17 M)
  • Content Notes: Mild adult content
  • Set: Flexible.
  • Standard Edition ISBN: 978-1-62384-128-7

Published Reviews

"Set in 1947 Hollywood, where life is as cheap as a chalk-stripe suit, Bill Robens' smart, snappy parody of hard-boiled noir comes complete with jaded gumshoe, a dame in distress -- and plenty of moid-ah."

Philip Brandes, Los Angeles Times

"As eternally cool as it is, film noir, with its supercharged style and general seriousness almost begs to be deflated -- and playwright Bill Robens answers the call."

Terry Morgan, Variety

Production History

AUG 15, 2025 - AUG 17, 2025
Shoshoni High School
Shoshoni, WY United States
 Shoshoni High School Shoshoni, WY United States
JUN 20, 2024 - JUN 23, 2024
The Ringgold Playhouse
Ringgold, GA United States
 The Ringgold Playhouse Ringgold, GA United States
APR 13, 2024 - APR 20, 2024
La Salle University
Philadelphia, PA United States
 La Salle University Philadelphia, PA United States
MAR 09, 2024 - MAR 16, 2024
Aberdeen Matawan Repertory Theatre
Matawan, NJ United States
 Aberdeen Matawan Repertory Theatre Matawan, NJ United States
MAY 05, 2023 - MAY 06, 2023
Benson High School
Benson, AZ United States
 Benson High School Benson, AZ United States
APR 28, 2023 - MAY 05, 2023
Lee's Summit West HS Theatre
Lees Summit, MO United States
 Lee's Summit West HS Theatre Lees Summit, MO United States
FEB 09, 2023 - FEB 10, 2023
The Philadelphia HS For Creative & Performing Arts
Philadelphia, PA United States
 The Philadelphia HS For Creative & Performing Arts Philadelphia, PA United States
NOV 22, 2022 - NOV 22, 2022
Walter G. O'Connell Copiague High School
Copaigue, NY United States
 Walter G. O'Connell Copiague High School Copaigue, NY United States
MAY 06, 2022 - MAY 06, 2022
SHS
Garden Grove, CA United States
 SHS Garden Grove, CA United States
APR 28, 2022 - APR 30, 2022
Manzano High School
Albuquerque, NM United States
 Manzano High School Albuquerque, NM United States
APR 15, 2022 - APR 16, 2022
Polson High School
Polson, MT United States
 Polson High School Polson, MT United States
MAR 24, 2022 - MAR 26, 2022
Hard Rockin' Drama Club
Rapid City, SD United States
 Hard Rockin' Drama Club Rapid City, SD United States
NOV 05, 2021 - NOV 06, 2021
Manchester High School Drama Boosters
Midlothian, VA United States
 Manchester High School Drama Boosters Midlothian, VA United States
AUG 13, 2021 - AUG 22, 2021
Phoenix Stage Company
Oakville, CT United States
 Phoenix Stage Company Oakville, CT United States
APR 10, 2021 - APR 11, 2021
South Barber High School
Kiowa, KS United States
 South Barber High School Kiowa, KS United States
FEB 25, 2021 - FEB 25, 2021
ORiGiN Theatrical (Twelve25 Salisbury Youth Enterprise)
Salisbury, SA Australia
 ORiGiN Theatrical (Twelve25 Salisbury Youth Enterprise) Salisbury, SA Australia
AUG 06, 2020 - AUG 06, 2020
Columbia Recreation Department
Columbia Heights, MN United States
 Columbia Recreation Department Columbia Heights, MN United States
JUL 07, 2020 - JUL 15, 2020
CFG Gymnasium
Schwandorf, Germany
 CFG Gymnasium Schwandorf, Germany
MAY 01, 2020 - MAY 02, 2020
Chisholm High School Drama
Chisholm, MN United States
 Chisholm High School Drama Chisholm, MN United States
APR 08, 2020 - APR 08, 2020
Georgetown High School
Georgetown, TX United States
 Georgetown High School Georgetown, TX United States
APR 02, 2020 - APR 04, 2020
South Dakota School of Mines and Technology
Rapid City, SD United States
 South Dakota School of Mines and Technology Rapid City, SD United States
NOV 21, 2019 - NOV 23, 2019
St. Thomas Aquinas College
Sparkill, NY United States
 St. Thomas Aquinas College Sparkill, NY United States
OCT 25, 2019 - OCT 27, 2019
Iona Preparatory School
New Rochelle, NY United States
 Iona Preparatory School New Rochelle, NY United States
SEP 26, 2019 - SEP 28, 2019
Eldon High School Drama Club
Eldon, MO United States
 Eldon High School Drama Club Eldon, MO United States
JUN 17, 2019 - JUN 26, 2019
Actors Nausea e. V.
Aachen, Germany
 Actors Nausea e. V. Aachen, Germany
MAY 30, 2019 - JUN 08, 2019
Kalamalka Secondary School
Coldstream, BC Canada
 Kalamalka Secondary School Coldstream, BC Canada
MAY 15, 2019 - MAY 17, 2019
Ecole Edward Schreyer School
Beausejour, MB Canada
 Ecole Edward Schreyer School Beausejour, MB Canada
MAY 02, 2019 - MAY 02, 2019
Ashbury College
Ottawa, ON Canada
 Ashbury College Ottawa, ON Canada
APR 25, 2019 - APR 27, 2019
Encore Theater Company
Battlecreek, MI United States
 Encore Theater Company Battlecreek, MI United States
APR 08, 2019 - APR 08, 2019
Valley International Prep High School
Chatsworth, CA United States
 Valley International Prep High School Chatsworth, CA United States
JAN 10, 2019 - JAN 30, 2019
The Cheerful Hamlets
Warsaw, Poland
 The Cheerful Hamlets Warsaw, Poland
DEC 21, 2018 - DEC 22, 2018
Castro Valley Dramatic Arts Academy
Hayward, CA United States
 Castro Valley Dramatic Arts Academy Hayward, CA United States
DEC 07, 2018 - DEC 08, 2018
Oxnard Drama Club
Oxnard, CA United States
 Oxnard Drama Club Oxnard, CA United States
NOV 08, 2018 - NOV 11, 2018
St. Benedict at Auburndale
Cordova, TN United States
 St. Benedict at Auburndale Cordova, TN United States
OCT 26, 2018 - OCT 27, 2018
Bishop Ludden Junior/Senior High School
Syracuse, NY United States
 Bishop Ludden Junior/Senior High School Syracuse, NY United States
OCT 19, 2018 - OCT 26, 2018
1999
Newman, CA United States
 1999 Newman, CA United States
SEP 27, 2018 - SEP 30, 2018
University Of Missouri Science And Technology
Rolla, MO United States
 University Of Missouri Science And Technology Rolla, MO United States
MAY 11, 2018 - MAY 14, 2018
St. Joseph's Collegiate
Brooks, AB Canada
 St. Joseph's Collegiate Brooks, AB Canada
APR 19, 2018 - APR 20, 2018
Sparta Drama
El Centro, CA United States
 Sparta Drama El Centro, CA United States
NOV 20, 2017 - NOV 24, 2017
UCD Dramsoc
Dublin, Ireland
 UCD Dramsoc Dublin, Ireland
NOV 10, 2017 - NOV 19, 2017
College of the Canyons
Santa Clarita, CA United States
 College of the Canyons Santa Clarita, CA United States
NOV 08, 2017 - NOV 11, 2017
Francis Howell High School/Limelight Theatre
St. Charles, MO United States
 Francis Howell High School/Limelight Theatre St. Charles, MO United States
NOV 02, 2017 - NOV 19, 2017
The Whidbey Playhouse
Oak Harbor, WA United States
 The Whidbey Playhouse Oak Harbor, WA United States
AUG 24, 2017 - AUG 26, 2017
Bruce Hall Players (ORiGiN Theatrical)
Acton, ACT Australia
 Bruce Hall Players (ORiGiN Theatrical) Acton, ACT Australia
MAY 12, 2017 - MAY 14, 2017
Stewartville High School
Stewartville, MN United States
 Stewartville High School Stewartville, MN United States
MAY 03, 2017 - MAY 05, 2017
Burnett Secondary
Richmond, BC Canada
 Burnett Secondary Richmond, BC Canada
APR 20, 2017 - APR 21, 2017
Maclay School
Tallahassee, FL United States
 Maclay School Tallahassee, FL United States
APR 07, 2017 - APR 08, 2017
Re-Act Theatre Group
Glasgow, United Kingdom
 Re-Act Theatre Group Glasgow, United Kingdom
MAR 24, 2017 - APR 15, 2017
STAGEStheatre
Fullerton, CA United States
 STAGEStheatre Fullerton, CA United States
MAR 01, 2017 - JUN 30, 2018
PEI Department of Education, Early Learning and Culture
Summerside, PE Canada
 PEI Department of Education, Early Learning and Culture Summerside, PE Canada
DEC 09, 2016 - DEC 11, 2016
New Vista
Boulder, CO United States
 New Vista Boulder, CO United States
NOV 17, 2016 - NOV 18, 2016
Newman Smith High School
Carrollton, TX United States
 Newman Smith High School Carrollton, TX United States
NOV 17, 2016 - NOV 17, 2016
Eastern High School
Louisville, KY United States
 Eastern High School Louisville, KY United States
JUL 15, 2016 - JUL 17, 2016
Larimore Drama Department
Larimore, ND United States
 Larimore Drama Department Larimore, ND United States
MAY 20, 2016 - JUN 05, 2016
P. M. & L. Theatre
Antioch, IL United States
 P. M. & L. Theatre Antioch, IL United States
MAY 01, 2016 - JUN 01, 2016
Drama
Saluda, VA United States
 Drama Saluda, VA United States
APR 22, 2016 - APR 24, 2016
Central Westosha High School
Salem, WI United States
 Central Westosha High School Salem, WI United States
APR 14, 2016 - APR 15, 2016
Plattsburg High School Theatre
Plattsburg, MO United States
 Plattsburg High School Theatre Plattsburg, MO United States
MAR 30, 2016 - APR 01, 2016
Kami Landkamer
Phoenix, AZ United States
 Kami Landkamer Phoenix, AZ United States
FEB 25, 2016 - MAR 03, 2016
Navarro College
Corsicana, TX United States
 Navarro College Corsicana, TX United States
FEB 05, 2016 - FEB 07, 2016
Milwaukee Lutheran High School
Milwaukee262, WI United States
 Milwaukee Lutheran High School Milwaukee262, WI United States
FEB 01, 2016 - MAR 25, 2016
LAKELAND HIGH SCHOOL
RATHDRUM, ID United States
 LAKELAND HIGH SCHOOL RATHDRUM, ID United States
NOV 04, 2015 - NOV 06, 2015
Dr. Martin LeBoldus High School
Regina, SK Canada
 Dr. Martin LeBoldus High School Regina, SK Canada
JUN 12, 2015 - JUN 28, 2015
Willits Community Theatre
Willits, CA United States
 Willits Community Theatre Willits, CA United States
JUN 10, 2015 - JUN 12, 2015
Cold Lake High School
Cold Lake, AB Canada
 Cold Lake High School Cold Lake, AB Canada
JUN 05, 2015 - JUN 07, 2015
N/a
Edgewater, BC Canada
 N/a Edgewater, BC Canada
MAR 31, 2015 - APR 02, 2015
Institute Of Technology Tallaght Drama Society
Dublin, Ireland
 Institute Of Technology Tallaght Drama Society Dublin, Ireland
MAR 12, 2015 - MAR 22, 2015
Long Beach City Colllege
Long Beach, CA United States
 Long Beach City Colllege Long Beach, CA United States
FEB 27, 2015 - FEB 28, 2015
Four Rivers Charter Public School
Turners Falls, MA United States
 Four Rivers Charter Public School Turners Falls, MA United States
JAN 23, 2015 - JAN 24, 2015
Edward Little High School
Auburn, ME United States
 Edward Little High School Auburn, ME United States
JAN 23, 2015 - JAN 24, 2015
Hexagon Players
Crawford Bay, BC Canada
 Hexagon Players Crawford Bay, BC Canada
JAN 22, 2015 - JAN 31, 2015
Theatre Guild Valdosta
Valdosta, GA United States
 Theatre Guild Valdosta Valdosta, GA United States
DEC 04, 2014 - DEC 05, 2014
Lisgar Collegiate Institute
Ottawa, ON Canada
 Lisgar Collegiate Institute Ottawa, ON Canada
OCT 11, 2014 - OCT 19, 2014
MAC Black Box Actors (Mesquite Arts Center)
Mesquite, TX United States
 MAC Black Box Actors (Mesquite Arts Center) Mesquite, TX United States
APR 25, 2014 - APR 27, 2014
The Emerson Players
Houston, TX United States
 The Emerson Players Houston, TX United States
APR 03, 2014 - APR 12, 2014
St. Andrews University
Laurinburg, NC United States
 St. Andrews University Laurinburg, NC United States
JAN 31, 2014 - FEB 02, 2014
St. Vincent De Paul High School
Perryville, MO United States
 St. Vincent De Paul High School Perryville, MO United States
JAN 17, 2014 - FEB 09, 2014
Topeka Civic Theatre & Academy
Topeka, KS United States
 Topeka Civic Theatre & Academy Topeka, KS United States
JAN 15, 2014 - JAN 17, 2014
John McCrae Secondary School
Ottawa, ON Canada
 John McCrae Secondary School Ottawa, ON Canada
NOV 18, 2013 - NOV 19, 2013
Dell Rapids School District 49-3
Dell Rapids, SD United States
 Dell Rapids School District 49-3 Dell Rapids, SD United States
NOV 07, 2013 - NOV 09, 2013
Bend Senior High School
BEND, OR United States
 Bend Senior High School BEND, OR United States
SEP 12, 2013 - SEP 13, 2013
Rockwall High School
Rockwall, TX United States
 Rockwall High School Rockwall, TX United States
MAY 31, 2013 - JUN 16, 2013
Rochester Civic Theatre
Rochester, MN United States
 Rochester Civic Theatre Rochester, MN United States
APR 12, 2013 - APR 14, 2013
Husson University: Central Receiving ATTN: Kellie Lewis
Bangor, ME United States
 Husson University: Central Receiving ATTN: Kellie Lewis Bangor, ME United States
APR 05, 2013 - APR 07, 2013
Little Red Hen Theatre
Wakefield, NE United States
 Little Red Hen Theatre Wakefield, NE United States
MAR 21, 2013 - MAR 29, 2013
James C. Enochs High School
Modesto, CA United States
 James C. Enochs High School Modesto, CA United States
MAR 16, 2013 - MAR 30, 2013
Phoenix Stage Company
Naugatuck, CT United States
 Phoenix Stage Company Naugatuck, CT United States
FEB 15, 2013 - FEB 16, 2013
OPS Central High School
Omaha, NE United States
 OPS Central High School Omaha, NE United States
FEB 14, 2013 - FEB 16, 2013
Redlands High School
Redlands, CA United States
 Redlands High School Redlands, CA United States
DEC 14, 2012 - DEC 15, 2012
Barrhead Composite High School
Barrhead, AB, AB Canada
 Barrhead Composite High School Barrhead, AB, AB Canada
DEC 04, 2012 - DEC 08, 2012
No Drama Theatre
Dublin, Ireland
 No Drama Theatre Dublin, Ireland
NOV 30, 2012 - NOV 30, 2012
Montgomery Area High School
Montoursville, PA United States
 Montgomery Area High School Montoursville, PA United States
NOV 16, 2012 - NOV 18, 2012
Georgetown RidgeFarm High School
RidgeFarm, IL United States
 Georgetown RidgeFarm High School RidgeFarm, IL United States
OCT 26, 2012 - OCT 27, 2012
Mendota Township High School
Mendota, IL United States
 Mendota Township High School Mendota, IL United States
OCT 25, 2012 - OCT 27, 2012
Osbourn High School
Manassas, VA United States
 Osbourn High School Manassas, VA United States
JUN 09, 2012 - JUN 09, 2012
Citrus College
Glendora, CA United States
 Citrus College Glendora, CA United States
JUN 01, 2012 - JUN 09, 2012
Citrus College
Glendora, CA United States
 Citrus College Glendora, CA United States
APR 25, 2012 - APR 27, 2012
Flowing Wells High School Auditorium
Tucson, AZ United States
 Flowing Wells High School Auditorium Tucson, AZ United States
APR 12, 2012 - APR 13, 2012
Burton's Auditorium
San Francisco, CA United States
 Burton's Auditorium San Francisco, CA United States
MAR 29, 2012 - MAR 30, 2012
Bradford Area High School
Bradford, PA United States
 Bradford Area High School Bradford, PA United States
MAR 22, 2012 - MAR 25, 2012
Foley High School
Foley, MN United States
 Foley High School Foley, MN United States
NOV 17, 2011 - NOV 19, 2011
Wolf Creek Players
Norton, OH United States
 Wolf Creek Players Norton, OH United States
NOV 17, 2011 - NOV 20, 2011
Governor Thomas Johnson High School
Frederick, MD United States
 Governor Thomas Johnson High School Frederick, MD United States
NOV 03, 2011 - NOV 05, 2011
Lamar Community Theatre
Lamar, MO United States
 Lamar Community Theatre Lamar, MO United States
SEP 29, 2011 - OCT 01, 2011
Shawnee Mission West
Shawnee Mission, KS United States
 Shawnee Mission West Shawnee Mission, KS United States
MAY 20, 2011 - MAY 28, 2011
Spokane Community College
Spokane, WA United States
 Spokane Community College Spokane, WA United States
APR 01, 2011 - APR 02, 2011
Columbus Catholic High School
Marshfield, WI United States
 Columbus Catholic High School Marshfield, WI United States
JAN 07, 2011 - JAN 08, 2011
George Washington High School
San Francisco, CA United States
 George Washington High School San Francisco, CA United States
DEC 10, 2010 - DEC 10, 2010
Andrew Hill High School
San Jose, CA United States
 Andrew Hill High School San Jose, CA United States
DEC 02, 2010 - DEC 04, 2010
Alta Loma High School
Rancho Cucamonga, CA United States
 Alta Loma High School Rancho Cucamonga, CA United States
NOV 18, 2010 - NOV 20, 2010
Pondera Players
Conrad, MT United States
 Pondera Players Conrad, MT United States
NOV 11, 2010 - NOV 14, 2010
Williamston High School
Williamston, MI United States
 Williamston High School Williamston, MI United States
OCT 29, 2010 - OCT 30, 2010
Ames High School
Ames, IA United States
 Ames High School Ames, IA United States
JUN 26, 2009 - OCT 03, 2009
Theatre of NOTE
Hollywood, CA United States
 Theatre of NOTE Hollywood, CA United States
AUG 15, 2025 - AUG 17, 2025
Shoshoni High School
Shoshoni, WY United States
 Shoshoni High School Shoshoni, WY United States
JUN 26, 2009 - OCT 03, 2009
Theatre of NOTE
Hollywood, CA United States
 Theatre of NOTE Hollywood, CA United States

Awards (1)

Ticketholder Award, Top Ten Plays of 2009

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